There’s the loneliness when there are no other people. Or when you just left people, maybe in an airplane or a hotel room. The loneliness of the new city, the new school, the new job, the new meditation retreat. The loneliness of someone leaving you, or dying, or changing so much from illness or something unknown that it’s as if they died. There’s the loneliness of crowds, concerts, airplanes (again), crowded museums, waiting in line to get your passport checked.
The loneliness of a foreign country, walking down the main street with everyone speaking a language you don’t know, after a while it just sounds like barking. The loneliness of being around people that you share nothing with, or people you used to share everything with but now you don’t. The loneliness of waiting for someone - to come back, to change their mind, to be nicer, to finally change. The loneliness of the forest, or the sea, or just a trail where you haven’t seen anyone for a while.
Then the worst kind, the loneliness that sometimes hits when you’re around people you love; brothers, sisters, parents, children, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, that person you always waited for. You know you love them, or think you do, or if you love anyone you love them, but you feel the most alone with them sometimes.
But then, loneliness can be just a perfect lie, a perfectly believable but untrue story you tell yourself to feel safe, or to feel pain, or to feel unlike anyone else.